About sex (English)

August 1, 2007

Just came across one of my ex students from Philippines’ blog and read a text about people having sex without love / and it just woke up a whole bunch of questions inside my head about the connexion between desire and feelings, or in other words : the separation between body and emotions (don’t know where to put these ones : mind / soul / heart ?).

As far as I can speak of my own experience I can answer some of the questions :

* yes it is definitely possible to have sex without love but no it is not possible to have sex without a minimum of caring because sex is all about not bein’ selfish : how could you be focusing on giving somebody else pleasure if you care only about yourself ?

* having sex with someone brings to having feelings / or loving someone brings to desire (well those are a girl’s thoughts of course ! 😛 )

* sex is intimacy & therefore makes people feel closer

* sex is trust / I’m sure we all understand that 🙂

* sex is communication : if we speak the same language in bed we’re gonna understand each other well and communicate sooner than thru an oral conversation

* sex has an extra dimension : it’s not just about bodies’ satisfaction but it involves the mind and sometimes the soul / in some believes sex is about reaching God : how couldn’t you be very thankful to the one who helps you reaching God ? 🙂 and how could you not like him/her for that ? 🙂

Because all of this I reach the conclusion that there can be no sex between strangers : you may have met him/her the second before (well you’d go fast if so !!!) but if you decide to share a « moment of sex » with this particular person then you’re not strangers anymore and this is the first step toward love : because if you allow someone you barely know to become that intimate with you & if you start trusting him/her without knowing him/her isn’t it because you already feel that you can do so & that there’s a special connexion ? etc etc : sooooo you just opened a door (and which one !)…

BUT still I wonder… (to be continued…)

*****

…’still I wonder’ she said in a questioning tone…

I wonder what interest is a one night stand ? yeah maybe, easy pleasure – or not even pleasure but more probably relief : sexual tension is sometimes hard to manage and if you meet somebody who seems to be able to help you managing it, why not ? But for me it doesn’t work like that… First of all : I dance… no, sorry, I dance SALSA ! It is a double reason NOT to feel any sexual tension, or if felt, to be able to manage it properly… Non-dancers find it difficult to believe but dancing salsa is almost the same thing as having sex, of course when the dances are good and the partner insipiring. 😉 The other reason why I can’t be looking for a one night stand is that it’s almost impossible to have a amazingly good one night stand… most of the times it’s OK, it’s got potential, but then we all know that it’s going to become better with a little bit of time : time to be spent together, time to feel a stronger desire (specially us, women, as we will want a man more if we don’t want him only for his beautiful torso or butt, but as well for his brains, spirit and soul… yeah, the famous ‘psychic factor’ in a woman’s libido), time to trust him enough to ‘let go’, time to will to share fantasies, time to feel free to show your real self, etc… so why go for an OK one night stand when we can have a few better and better nights ? Having a lover, a committed one (not even talking of a boyfriend here), is more interesting and gives us more chances to finally get what we want/need… And on the other hand, if ever the one night stand turns out to be REALLY good, who on earth wouldn’t want to do it again with the same partner ??? When, once in a while, you find someone you really get along with, skins matching, smells matching, everything matching… then, you will want him even more after that one perfect night, knowing what you know.

So nope, no one night stand for me, because i am not looking for immediate sexual relief, which is the story of one minute finally – or one hour or even a few hours, but still… fast food… I am a gourmet and as therefore, I want quality. Five stars chef will know what I mean : choosing the best at the market, loving the food you’re cooking, letting it bake for a quite a long time, eating like if time doesn’t exist… Yep, I go only for five stars sex.